The reason I am starting this blog...

Many of you have encouraged me to begin a blog, but honestly, I thought you were all smoking dope. I mean, who has time for posting highly intellectual thoughts on the internet on a fairly regular basis. I don't even get around to thinking these highly intellectual thoughts on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis. I am doing to good just to look up from the poopy diaper or the bum I am wiping and notice that there is a snake hanging out in the same room. And, yes, I said snake! Since moving into our new home (we moved at the end of March into an older home on some "farm property" which means we have acreage and we irrigate or flood our yard to keep it watered, and we can have horses or cows or goats or chickens, etc.) we have had many an adventure with scorpions, cockroaches, lizards, and now we can add snake! So, even though my ramblings may not be intellectually stimulating, hopefully they will be entertaining and help you appreciate your beautiful home that is pest and serpent free!



I would imagine that a normal mom would tell about her kids and family during her first blog session, but not I! I have a couple of stories that are very prevalent to your life; they will definitely boost your self-esteem!

First story...This story illustrates how I am overflowing with "special" talents. On Labor Day our family was at a friend's home having a fun bbq and swimming. After eating, I was clearing off the tables outside while the guys were throwing a football back and forth over my head. Well, I (aka: talented stud-muffin) shout out, "I'm gonna get it!" and I jump up in the air, not even really trying to snag it, just faking everybody out with my smooth moves. So impressed with my own gracefullness, I forgot to concentrate on landing and I came down on the outside of my left foot, resulting in a fairly bad sprain. I was able to walk out to the car, but walking was pretty painful for the next few days--especially first thing in the morning! From now on, you may call me by Lena, or Grace, whichever you prefer!



Second story...This story illustrates how I can be talented without even trying. On Tuesday, I was tired of running around on my sprained ankle, and it was late in the evening and Ryan still wasn't home from work. In my effort to entertain the kids without moving, I went over to the "project closet" (the closet with all my sewing stuff and with some decor shelves for the kids rooms) and pulled out my childhood photo album/scrapbook. We were sitting right in front of the open door to the closet, when out of no where, something very large and heavy struck me on my head. Slightly dazed, I look around and see the culprit: a 9x9 square shelf from pottery barn...(I was going to insert a picture of it but they are no longer available) Again feeling my head, I think, "Man! It's amazing that didn't crack my head open!" Then, looking at my hand I see it is covered in blood. Oh dear! I held it together pretty good until I called Ryan, and I then I started crying. It hurt pretty bad and there was quite a bit of blood, and the worst part was imagining the doctors at ER shaving my hair off so they could give me stitches. Thankfully, it stopped bleeding fairly quickly and I opted to not have a doctor check it out. It seems to be healing fine, so no worries!

WARNING: THIRD STORY IS ONLY FOR THE STRONG STOMACHS AND THOSE WHO WILL LOVE ME NO MATTER HOW GROSS I AM!

Third story...This story illustrates how I am very comfortable with myself, because nobody who is unsure of their personal talent would ever share this story with the masses. On Friday I made cookies, which means I ate LOTS AND LOTS of cookie dough, then I ate LOTS AND LOTS of cookies, and then we went to the cheesecake factory and I had a lighter salad (for obvious reasons--had to leave room for cheesecake!) and then I shared my slice of cheesecake with Ryan. Well, our friends were going out for a 13 mile run the next morning, and I, being sure that they wouldn't mind a tag along--especially since I was confident I could keep up and not slow the group down--invited myself along. We met at 5:30 AM and started running between 6:00 and 6:30. After only a couple of miles my innards felt a little queasy. By mile 3 I had to poop so bad that I honestly couldn't hold it in another step. I decided I had better find a bush to squat behind and get it all out so I could enjoy the next 10 miles. I was surprised how easily I was able to pooh while squatting--I don't believe I have ever done that before! I was also surprised at how runny it was! I know! That's too much information!!! Sorry! Since I had no tp and there were only cactuses around me, I decided to open the cereal bar I had been carrying and use the wrapper to wipe. (I have to admit that i littered--there was no way I was carrying that wrapper with me!) On we ran, and much to my chargrin, I felt the overwhelming urge to go again at the 6 mile mark. Finding another bush, I pooh again, this time more runny pooh comes out, and I have NOTHING to wipe with. In desperation I glance around and see a dryers whole fruit box. I tear off a corner of the cardboard and wipe with that! (thank you to whoever it was that littered!) Surely I've got it all out, and so we keep on running (not to mention we were 6.5 miles away from the car and the only way back was by foot!) Did I mention that I had a gecko companion at the last potty break? Unfortunately, my stomach troubles were only getting worse! Now, everytime I ran, I had that overwhelming urge to pooh within seconds. I stopped atleast 4 times on the way home, this time using rocks, or one time I was lucky enough to have a leafy bush, to wipe with. Let me tell you, rocks are not nearly as good as toilet paper, and the sand from the rocks get stuck in the crevice of you know what, which can cause a lot of pain while running long distances. Kara, the friend I was running with, was very nice about it, and she pretended like she needed to walk for part of the way back. I was hurting SO BAD!!! Good thing I didn't slow anybody down! Not to mention that she and her husband and her brother now know that I pooped 6 times (or maybe more--I honestly lost track on the way back!) during our run--I bet they can't wait for me to join them again!

I bet you are SO GLAD that you read my blog! Hopefully the next pooh story will be about one of the kids and will have nothing to do with my own excretion system!