A new perspective

Here he is. My super fun, soft-hearted, bright, extremely competitive, eager to please, and easy to love boy. Yes, the same boy that I have brought to tears many times during exhausting homework sessions that should have, in my mind, taken only 15 minutes to complete and were now approaching HOURS. Yes, I said HOURS (and this began in KINDERGARTEN. Yes, I said KINDERGARTEN.)

Our frustrations started long before Kindergarten. No matter how hard I tried, Remington seemed not interested in learning his letters. Their names, or their sounds. He went to school not able to say his ABC's (not because we hadn't worked on it.) He couldn't even write his name (and I was only working on his shortened name--which uses 3 LETTERS. R. E. M. Not difficult!) I moaned when his teachers asked that he write his entire first name and last name (he still messes his name up...and he is in the second grade.) I am not sure if he can say his days of the week in order. He definitely can't tell you the months of the year. Learning to tie his shoes was a chore, one that his little sister beat him at. Left and right is like speaking chinese if it is directed towards him. His spelling is a mess, even on the easiest words. And, his reading is a mystery. Sometimes he is amazing. He can read the scripture readers like nobody's business; throwing words out like righteous, and lamanites, Zarahemla, and exceedingly. But, then, he messes up the then's, when's, there, where, who, how, and all the other easy sight words.

Needless to say, the last three years have been a struggle. We have drilled and studied, cried and prayed, worked and worried, all the while, trying to make sense of his erratic strengths and struggles at school. Even his math was puzzling. Ask him some math facts and the kid will wow you. Give him his assignment to complete and he will probably do it all wrong. Completely wrong.

This last month has been a month of enlightening. After going over Remington's homework and seeing him write his spelling sentence like this: Ti si early (and no, he wasn't practicing spanish. It was supposed to say: It is early.) I finally decided to call a dyslexic specialist and just get some information (I mean, how many second graders don't know how to spell it and is? This wasn't just getting his d's and b's confused, this was actual writing backwards. Did I mention that he can't draw a question mark? t He gets confused on which direction it curves.) After an hour on the phone, I knew we had hit the jack pot. He had almost EVERY classic symptom of dyslexia, even down to his being a late talker, and stuttering when he was young. I was referred to a website: www.brightsolutions.us , and after watching a 3 HOUR, and yes, I said 3 HOUR, video I was even more convinced.

We have now had Remington tested by a dyslexic specialist (and did you know that dyslexics have a hard time saying that word? I love hearing Remington try to say it--he gets it all sorts of jumbled up and confused...) it is official. He is dyslexic. This brings me to my two frustrations: Why in the world did I not know what dyslexia was (I thought it was seeing things backwards. That's not it at all! It has more to do with auditory and how they process what they hear, combined with "directional confusion" among other things...It's not simple, but it's also not all bad. They have many strengths, and the best part is that something can be done to help them read and spell better--they can actually do really well in school!) Second frustration: Why did none of his teachers suspect and suggest that he might have dyslexia? He is the TYPICAL dyslexic, and all they ever suggested was ADHD (which he definitely is NOT) and ADD (which he does zone out and not pay attention when what is being presented is boring to him--but who doesn't?) Honestly, I don't think that teachers understand what dyslexia is, but shouldn't they? It is estimated that 20% of every classroom struggles with it to some degree (mildly dyslexic to severely dyslexic) Either we educate the early elementary teachers on what to look for, or we educate every parent on what to look for. Personally, I am all for enabling parents to do their job and be the watch-keepers over their children. But, we rely on doctors to correctly diagnose our kids (granted, we have the right and the obligation to get second opinions, do our own research, and ultimately go with our gut instincts), so why shouldn't we have faith that our educators are aware of the the MOST COMMON HEREDITARY LEARNING DISABILITY plaguing our kids and the typical signs. We could have saved Remington three years of struggling, three years of feeling stupid and inferior, three years of pretending like he could read (which he does a remarkable job pretending. A testament to his intelligence.) And three years of torture for me when i helped him with homework (and now I feel tortured whenever I think of how frustrated I would get with him. Why wasn't I more patient?)

And now, when Remington spells his name wrong I laugh and show him where his error is. When he is frustrated with his math homework, I smile and offer to read the story problem to him. It's amazing how many ?'s he gets right if he can listen to the story problem instead of reading it. Now, when I tell him to turn left, and he looks at me in confusion, I point. And, when he writes his ? marks backwards, I stifle my giggle (it makes him feel stupid--and he doesn't like that feeling) I simply give him a hug and leave it for posterity's sake; I now think its cute. Like I said, a new perspective.

ps--I just have to share how excited I am. My friend has a girl who has really struggled in school. They have spent THOUSANDS of dollars on tutoring, and finally, this year they pulled her out and my friend is now home-schooling her daughter. I called her to suggest that she check into dyslexia (only because I wish somebody had suggested it to me years ago when Rem was in Kindergarten, especially if they had a web site that I could visit without feeling any pressure.) She didn't sound very convinced or excited about the prospect and I hung up thinking I had made a mistake and maybe shouldn't have called. Well, she called me this week to tell me thank you and to get more contact information so they could have their daughter tested. She said that she hadn't understood what dyslexia really was (what most of us know, isn't accurate) and the thought that something could be done to help her was so exciting. Hurray! I will now take courage and call a couple more moms that I thought of while I was watching the video (I chickened out after this first lady wasn't very excited about my initial phone call...)