What Not to Wear

There are some things that a woman should definitely NOT wear, and I am 100% positive that Stacy and Clinton would agree with me when it comes to wearing this Lovely Contraption:



That's right, a jockstrap with cinchers located on your rear-end (in the perfect spot for all to see, and also provides the added benefit of dividing each bum cheek into two, creating the illusion of FOUR bum cheeks) and the not to be overlooked addition of lace on the front to add a touch of femininity--which is what sold me.

And since we are the topic of things I am dying to wear (literally), Here's my latest purchase:



Maybe some of you own a pair...so don't be offended...but they are HIDEOUS! And EXPENSIVE! My running shoes cost less than these babies (and, up until today I have NEVER spent close to what I pay for my running shoes on any other shoe--my old legs can't keep up with a mid-mileage running schedule unless I baby them.) So what drove me to this insanity, buying UGLY and EXPENSIVE shoes to wear daily until they fall apart on me (gotta get my money out of them)? You guessed it, the bliss of pregnancy! Aching back, aching legs (that keep me awake all night), ankles that are so sore I wanna cry, and you will have to guess what the jockstrap is for, or perhaps you have a beauty of your own hiding in your closet.

Worst case scenario: 6 weeks 4 days until deliverance.

And, in case anybody cares, in the last 30 minutes I have eaten 1 yogurt (the only healthy part) 3 servings of tortilla chips, 2 large handfuls of guittard milk chocolate chips, and now I am headed to the freezer for some ice cream. Ryan is working late, I need him to come home so I can stop gorging my face and go to bed.